you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
