I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
