Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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