The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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