dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
