so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
