My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
