i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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