dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize