I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
