You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
this is an emotional support booty call
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
