I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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