I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
