help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
