I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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