does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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