I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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