Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
