Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
