it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
