Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
this is an emotional support booty call
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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