she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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