Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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