yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize