so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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