I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
