Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
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someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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