Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
