Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
