I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
