$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
