So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
