Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
