But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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