Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He passed out mid-signature
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My vagina is very pro this idea
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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