we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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