dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
