If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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