listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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