please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
