If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
