First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
