I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just googled if crying burns calories
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
