The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize