who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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