If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
MIDGETS
????
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
