i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Pooping to opera.
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