An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
