shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
