Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
