ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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