Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
