Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
