Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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