saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
