I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They took my balls.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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