sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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