Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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