Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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