i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
