just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
