Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
