you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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