so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
