I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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