if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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