I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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