I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
