Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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