Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
