oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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