she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
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it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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