He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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