apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
