I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
