I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
