So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
3pm strippers are depressing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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