i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
